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Saturday, May 4, 2013

Why Do People Hate Glenn Healy?

glenn healy cbc sucks annoying
People hate Pierre McGuire. His most redeeming quality is looking like The Master of Disguise dressed as a turtle. Yes, that is a terrible movie and an old enough reference that probably three people thought it was funny. Yes, that is his most redeeming quality.

When I attempted to answer the time-tested question, "Why do people hate Pierre McGuire?" the response was overwhelming. People just don't like him, and they Google their hatred for him a lot.

Mercifully, Pierre McGuire was hired by NBC in 2011, so his presence (at least in Canada, sorry America, you're stuck with him) is minimal. However, his void as the most annoying on-air Canadian personality was filled almost immediately—like a decapitated hydra—by Glenn Healy.

People end up here quite frequently by Googling their hatred for Healy, as well.  So, why do people hate Glen Healy? Let me count the ways.

- The most frequent complaint about Healy is that he hates your favourite team. That's generally lobbed at any analyst who doesn't gush Joe Bowen-esque homerism at your favourite team, but there is some merit for the criticism in this case. That's because Healy, likely because he is still bitter about his own miserable career, hasn't said anything positive about a player in what seems like his entire broadcasting career.

 - Back when he was doing commentary for TSN, Healy awarded his "Loch Ness Monster of the Game", given to the player you've heard about but haven't seen in the game. Aside from being a tongue-in-cheek rip-off of McGuire's insufferable "Monster of the Game", the idea must have been born as a counter to Healy's own career—because when a flashing red light and a goal song go off pretty much every time the puck enters your zone, it isn't hard to notice you.

- To be fair, as a bad backup goalie, Healy does have a right to criticize. He's watched a lot of hockey from a pretty nice seat, and when he did get into the games he knew pretty much every single way a player could score a goal. "Luongo shouldn't have given up that goal, Simmer, and I should know, because I let up a lot of 'em."

- Like McGuire, Healy is usually in between the benches, and when not getting hit by pucks (how annoying) he's busy pressing his mute button when animosity, and a certain flattery, is exchanged between benches. We can deal with some cursing. Unfortunately, what we can't deal with is Healy refraining from holding down the mute button when he decides to open his mouth.

- Anytime he can work in a reference to winning a Stanley Cup with the Rangers in 1994, he does it. It doesn't matter that his contributions were minimal or whether the context of the game even calls for it. It doesn't even matter if he's at the mall ordering fries, because your taxes pay for the CBC, so he's contractually obliged to harangue you here, dammit.

- On the Satellite Hotstove, which has degraded considerably since TSN poached Pierre LeBrun, Healy and PJ Stock disintegrate any semblance of intelligent conversation while Elliotte Friedman counts the seconds before his contract expires and his insight can be appreciated once again.

- Healy's primary intellectual foil on the Hotstove is Stock, a man who somehow got it in his head that doing a commercial for adult diapers was a good career move.

- Instead of using facts and knowledge to make himself look smart, he will cut up his panel-mates at any chance he gets. Disagree with something PJ says, Heals? Who cares, just roll your eyes and cut him off. Then the audience will really know who won that argument. Did someone just question your baseless argument? Who cares, point out he's wearing a stupid tie. Elliotte Friedman tried to bring up Corsi? Buy him a pair of glasses and then break that nerd's new pair of glasses.

- You know it's bad when you pine for the halcyon days of Al Strachan and Mike Milbury.

- Even worse, when Friedman does bring up something meaningful, Healy practically clubs him over the head, refusing to shift the discussion from the depths of his ignorance. Healy also routinely cuts off his panel-mates and brazenly steals other's air time, most egregiously a few weekends ago when Ron MacLean directly asked Friedman a question and Healy jumped right in and answered the question. Sure, that happens all the time on talking head, faux-argument panels, but Friedman—the only real journalist who knows how to search out information and not just recite flawed, uninformed opinions—is the one we trust for insight. If we want to know why the bagpipes are Scotland's greatest export, we'll ask you, Heals.

- When he played for the Leafs it meant either Felix Potvin or Curtis Joseph sat on the bench. That's a crime.

- He was a Maple Leaf, therefore fans of the 29 other teams are obliged to hate him.

- He was a Maple Leaf who went on to become vastly more successful once he left the Leafs (I sadly assume his contract with CBC runs until the end of 2050), meaning Leafs fans are obliged to hate him.

10 comments:

Lynda Watson said...

People believe he is the most annoying announcer ever. His comments are very unprofessional. I think everyone agrees on that!

Kenneth Pierce said...

Every Hockey fan has something not good to say about him. A lot of the things he said before are senseless. It is a bit unprofessional, yes, I agree with that. He is not a good announcer.

Anonymous said...

After last nights season opener I have concluded the game is better watched on mute.

Anonymous said...

Just today
he call Ryan Getzlaf Messier on steroids
I mean what the hell ?
And he is such a Crosby fans, even when Crosby is not on the ice, he still can't shut up about his love with Crosby, I almost have to count how many times he talked about Crosby

Matt Horner said...

The Messier-Getzlaf comparison works on a balding level.

Ray Brandt said...

Did anyone hear Glenn Heally on the Bolland double minor? "Why is he forechecking on an icing"? I had to rewind it to believe what i just heard. Please explain to Heally the new hybrid icing rule and then explain to him the difference between a forecheck and a backcheck.
Please, the Leafs are hard enough to watch on their own. Adding his idiosy is torture.

Anonymous said...

This know it all is the most negative and annoying commentator in nhl history.

Anonymous said...

the guy is a moron...that god for my mute button

Anonymous said...

No more Heally. Can watch canadian hockey again

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