The NHL season starts on Thursday, which indicates my life is close to regaining meaning.

I'm too excited, there's no time for coherent intros. Let's look at the Leafs' forwards, defence, and goaltending, describing them in one word (and then if you're unsatisfied, many words).

Following an almost unbearable break after the Conference Finals, the Stanley Cup will finally begin tonight. I hope at this point you trust my predictions. I nailed both Conference Finals, which matches my performance last season. I'm 11-3 on the season and 22-7 over the past two. However, I refuse to accept responsibility if you lose your kid’s college fund gambling.

After this series one team will finally shed the baggage of being a well documented underachiever by making a trip to the Stanley Cup Final. Both teams have overcome huge obstacles this post-season to make it this far and neither will gain any satisfaction with merely making the Conference Finals. This is a franchise defining series for both teams and will be exciting to watch.

Break it down!

The second round of the playoffs wasn’t able to live up to the lofty expectations set by the fantastically exciting first round. The Eastern Conference Final match-up was set almost a week ago, while the Western Conference was only solidified after last night's big game 7 between the Wings and Sharks.

Thankfully, the Wings and Sharks prolonged their series, which at one point looked like it would be the third sweep of the second round. Not only does this add some drama and suspense to the second round, but I was away for a week and unable to post a conference final breakdown. Let’s first break down the Eastern Conference Final and tomorrow we’ll set up the Western Conference Final.

Full Disclosure (for those mistrustful of predictions): 6 – 2 in the first round; 17 – 6 including last season’s playoffs

I’m not sure how the NHL will follow-up their amazing first round of action. We experienced four game 7s – two that went to overtime, and one of which was one of the most exciting hockey games of the past decade. We saw crazy comebacks, penalty shots, goalies stealing games, a wardrobe malfunction, and a few head shots for good measure. The first round only missed a few upsets.

What does the second round have in store? Hell if I know.

Generic sentence about how everyone is making predictions about the playoffs. Snarky remark about how predictions only make you look stupid. Holier than thou statement about picking the Flyers and Blackhawks to make last year’s final. Strut around while casually mentioning picking the Blackhawks to win the Stanley Cup.

Onto the picks!

The title of this article was originally ‘A Biased Leafs Fan’s Objective Comparison of the 2010-2011 Leafs and Habs – An Analysis of both the Short and Long-Term’. But of course that’s a longer title than Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire.

Based on last year it might seem foolish to compare both teams. The Canadiens managed to make it all the way to the Eastern Conference Final, while the Leafs not only finished dead last in the Eastern Conference, but gave their second overall draft choice to the Boston Bruins.

However, it took Montreal until the last game of the season against the Maple Leafs to clinch a playoff berth – which they narrowly achieved by losing in overtime.

Montreal starts the new season largely the same – minus their team MVP who is now in St. Louis. The Leafs made dramatic changes in January and have made minor tweaks this off-season.

How do these teams compare now? Let’s break it down.

The Eastern Conference finals take place tonight as the Philadelphia Flyers take on the Montreal Canadiens. It’s truly crazy to think that two teams who made it into the playoffs on their last game are now vying for a spot in the Stanley Cup final.

Philadelphia needed a shoot-out victory over the New York Rangers on the last day of the season to secure their playoff berth, while the Canadiens received a single point in an over-time loss to the Maple Leafs to squeak in the night before.

If the Maple Leafs just took care of business in regulation we wouldn’t be in this predicament. Maybe things will change when I get my hands on a Delorean.

Until then, here’s the breakdown of the Eastern Conference finals.

The Conference Finals begin tomorrow and in the infinite wisdom of Gary Bettman and the NHL they will both start on the same day. Stupid. This is definitely to placate NBC who tend to bear with slotting the NHL on Sunday afternoons.

The Western Conference Finals begin at 2:30 pm and feature the (1) Sharks and the (2) Blackhawks. The Eastern Conference Finals start at 7:00 pm and feature the (7) Flyers and the (8) Canadiens. The seedings immediately jump out. The playoffs are a wacky time.

To get everyone ready for the big match-ups I have prepared a comprehensive breakdown of both Conference Finals. I’ll post the Eastern Conference breakdown sometime tomorrow afternoon. Maybe I’ll be nursing a hang-over and will fill it with plenty of bitter jabs at the Habs.

But for now here’s the Western Conference breakdown.

So, what just happened in that first round? The top three seeds were eliminated in the East and both Detroit and Chicago had a much harder time with their first round opponents than I thought possible.

I did pretty well with my predictions, being betrayed by only Washington and Buffalo. I’m actually happy that my Buffalo prediction was wrong because I hate Buffalo. That’s a positive.

I will take the blame for Montreal’s upset. I said that Washington will win the series if the Earth doesn’t implode before game 4. I didn’t take my prediction seriously and the Hockey Gods chose to punish me. Yup, that’s why the Canadiens won, not because they blocked 1324324 shots and saved 2314463465 more.

I’m certainly not happy that Montreal upset Washington, but it’s not the worst thing that could have happened.

Now the Leafs can rope the Capitals into a panic trade for Kaberle where Brian Burke has his pick of primo prospects.

In other fantasy news, Washington losing is really good for my fantasy sports life. I chose late in the first round and was excluded from the best Washington players, which was fortunate since I wasn’t necessarily convinced they could beat Pittsburgh anyways. Now it’s really fortunate considering they couldn’t even beat Montreal! The only Capitals player I chose was Mike Knuble. Most of the other poolies banked pretty hard on Washington. As a result, I am one of two people with nine players remaining, while the rest have six or less. I’m feeling confident with my seven Pittsburgh and Chicago players.

But you’re not reading this to hear me gloat about fantasy hockey. Onto the second round breakdown!

Everybody is making picks and instead of racking my brain for an interesting and unique post to slap up on the site I’m doing the same. The only difference is that I recognize that everyone has a shot at winning, no matter how small (MONTREAL). That being said, I’ve outlined what needs to happen for each team to win and underneath I’ve declared my bold predictions.

They say the only thing stupider than predictions is the person who makes them! I don’t know if they actually say that, but I made it up right now. Feel free to use that if everything I predict fails to come true.